13. "Waterloo T-Shirt" from Dicteetors/HalfEmptyClothing/Zazzle

Want a t-shirt to do with Napoleon Bonaparte? Easy. No problem - the web's full of them. Want a t-shirt specifically based around a bad pun on the name of an infamous, often murderous dictator? Er...

Well actually, maybe it's as niche as it sounds. Dicteetors is a small, one-page website, featuring six designs about totalitarian menaces, happily incorporated into humourous t-shirts inspired by dodgy wordplay. So we are presented with "Chairman's Choice Mao-nnaise", "Kim Jong Illinois (Not just a place but a state of mind)" and a "Castrobot". Napoleon's probably got the best design of the lot, principally because it's based not on his name, but on Waterloo, the site of his biggest defeat: "Napoleon's Water Loo, San Dimas, California".

The fact that Napoleon's shirt has nothing to do with his name gives us a clue to the source of its inspiration, and fans of "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" will doubtless recognise the name San Dimas. In the movie, Bill & Ted take Napoleon Bonaparte - struggling to fit into his new 20th Century, Californian surroundings - to Waterlube, a waterpark set in San Dimas (those of you eager to recreate this scene will have to travel slightly further afield though, as the waterpark used was in the movie was actually Golfland/Sunsplash waterpark in Mesa, Arizona.)

The design itself is (like most other Napoleon t-shirts) taken from Napoleon Crossing The Alps by Jacques-Louis David, and says "Water Loo" rather than "Waterlube", which makes sense as all but the most die-hard Bill & Ted fans wouldn't get the Waterlube reference.


Either way, it's a nice idea for a shirt. According to the description on the site "Dicteetors.com is not intended to make any political statement. These designs are intended only to be funny."

The Waterloo shirt is available for $21.95, and comes in all sizes and 11 colours, though a premium of $2.85 is charged for every colour apart from white. The t-shirt itself is described as "Comfortable, casual and loose fitting, our heavyweight t-shirt will quickly become one of your favorites. Made from 6.1 oz, pre-shrunk 100% cotton, it wears well on anyone. We’ve double-needle stitched the bottom and sleeve hems for extra durability. Imported." Dicteetors makes use of a Zazzle store to sell the shirts. Click on whichever design you're interested in, and you get taken to the Dicteetors/HalfEmptyClothing shopfront ready to place your order.

Delivery is free to addresses in the US, but because of Zazzle's network of local websites, its policy on international distribution is quite vague. There are lots of disclaimers to do with import taxes, and delivery tracking, and in order to find out the price, you are encouraged to complete a "mock purchase" first.

This is a fantastic t-shirt, and the guys at Dicteetors/HalfEmptyClothing win my full endorsement when they ask "If you were one of Europe's greatest leaders, and you were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would you go? Waterloo!" Yes, "one of Europe's greatest leaders". In fact he WAS Europe's greatest leader, but this is close enough. Vive L'Empereur!

12. "Napoleon Tee T-Shirt Print" from ediot

"Napoleon Tee T-Shirt Print" is a three-colour (tricolour?) design that builds on the univerally recognisable nature of Napoleon Bonaparte, and represents him as a mere silhouette carrying the French flag (Tricolour). Printed on a short-sleeved white t-shirt, its uncluttered layout, combined with the restrained use of powerful colours, makes it pretty striking.

Designed by ediot, it's the first Napoleon-inspired shirt I've seen that comes from Sweden. If you want to know more about ediot, I can't put it more succinctly than she does on her website: "im 26. live in sweden- originally from norway. love clothes. love making prints. love music. I have an webshop at www.ediot.etsy.com". Job done.

The shirt costs $21 from ediot's etsy store, plus $7 dollars p&p plus $5 per subsequent item ordered. An ediot logo on the shirt is optional.

11. "Napoleon Bonaparte T-Shirt" from Johnny Cotton

A very simple t-shirt here from British website johnnycotton.co.uk, which depicts Napoleon above the word "Leader". Whatever you make of the guy, he was undeniably a leader, and as a slightly lame bonus, casual observers of the shirt may assume that the wearer is also a leader. Double win. The picture used on the shirt is from a favourite of mine, "The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries" painted by Jacques-Louis David in 1812.


Johnny Cotton print shirts in several categories, from dogs and movies, to music and cars. This particular design is from the "Famous People" section of the catalogue, in which Napoleon finds himself in the company of such greats as Salvador Dali, Einstein and Mozart, and is described as being "widely regarded as one of history's greatest commanders". Finally: some respect for the little fella.

The shirt costs £9.99 and is available in ten different colours, with six colours to choose from for the print itself (though the site urges you to choose a print colour that is darker than the shirt colour). Shipping options vary from country to country, and are calculated just prior to payment, so it's not clear how much delivery might cost. The product itself is very reasonably priced though, so unless the shipping is insanely expensive, it looks like being a good deal.

Shirt description: "Heavy weight T-Shirt, 180 gsm (Ladies 150gsm with shaped side seams), Tubular Construction, Twin needle and Cover Stitch fabric with Taped Back Neck, Collar wih Elasthane, Superior quality print that will not fade, crack or peel, Fully machine washable".

10. "Napoleon, 5 Feet of EuroTrash" from Irish Laundry

So far this site has only featured t-shirts which were either pro-Napoleon, or at worst neutral towards the great man, and there was an unspoken assumption that this would always be the case. Could anyone seriously contemplate designing or making an anti-Napoleon t-shirt? Well, yes. Over at Irishlaundry.com, they've done just that. (Thanks to Travis at Founditem for the tip-off).

Irish Laundry specialises in classic t-shirts aimed squarely at non-metrosexuals ("An Irish Laundry man drinks beer and whiskey instead of cosmos and wine coolers"), and resolutely not at "pretty boys walking around in their lame $80 t-shirts with foil prints, popped collars, and hair with frosted tips." Well said.

The site currently offers around 20 different designs on a variety of themes. You can see the full range here, but my main interest lies in the anti-Napoleonic offering, in which our man is described as "Five feet of Eurotrash" [Note: Readers unfamiliar with the term "Eurotrash" can find several apposite definitons at the Urban Dictionary.

Back to the t-shirt, and there are two important points to be made:

1) Boney was a bit Eurotrash, but he wasn't actually that small. According to Wikipedia: "During the Napoleonic Wars he was taken seriously by some in the British press as a dangerous tyrant, poised to invade. A nursery rhyme warned children that Bonaparte ravenously ate naughty people; the 'bogeyman'. The British Tory press sometimes depicted Napoleon as much smaller than average height and this image persists. Confusion about his height also results from the difference between the French pouce and British inch—2.71 and 2.54 cm respectively; he was 1.7 metres (5 ft 7 in) tall, average height for the period, sometimes quoted as 1.68 metres (5 ft 6 in)."

2) Hostility to the Emperor never normally makes any sense, but in the case of Irish Laundry it's entirely consistent with their well-documented anti-French policy. The site makes no apology for its hardline stance regarding the French, and doesn't even ship to the country. On the FAQs page, the company's shipping policy is not ambiguous: "FRANCE - If you are thinking about placing an order to be shipped to France, please don't bother. Irish Laundry has a strict policy against shipping to Frenchys. No, we're not joking. It's not that we can't ship to France. It's just that we don't want guys named Pierre wearing our shirts."

So as long as you're not French, this actually seems like an interesting t-shirt. Selling for $18, this tee is available only in white, and features a very recognisable silhouette of Napoleon against a zig-zag Tricolor background, with the Eurotrash legend beneath it. In terms of the shirt itself, the site says all designs use "super soft premium tees that typically have a slightly slimmer fit than a traditional Hanes type of t-shirt. Nearly all of our shirts are printed on American Apparel or similar fitting brands." Shipping is a flat $4 for all shirts within the US, $10 to Canada, and $15 to the rest of the world (except France).

Purchase Power: Grey Napoleon T-Shirt Present

And so for the most recent of my new Napoleon t-shirts, and my favourite Christmas present of 2009. Designed and given to me by my girlfriend, it's a simple t-shirt bearing a close-up of Napoleon's head, and I'm proud to say it's without a doubt the best I've seen.

Grey cotton/viscose t-shirt in MEDIUM (she knows how to impress me), it features an enlarged monochrome cut-out of the The Emperor's head and hat, taken from our old friend Napoleon Crossing The Alps by Jacques-Louis David.

Total cost: To me? Nothing!
Delivery time: Instant gratification.
Verdict: Simple, comfortable, unique. Best of the bunch.

Purchase Power: Grey and Blue T-Shirts from Greatcitees

A double whammy: one "Metro Gray", and one "Candy Blue" t-shirt from Greatcitees.com to celebrate the town of Napoleon in Ohio. As promised, they're decent, everyday t-shirts with a resilient design which - unlike most of the other tees I've reviewed - is not a transfer, but specially embedded ink. The shirts are 100% cotton, and are fairly heavy, but look understated and represent pretty good value at just $13 a piece plus p+p.

My only complaint about them is actually a complaint about the USPS delivery time, which cost me $12 and got me worried for the first time since I started reviewing Napoleon t-shirts last year. I placed my order on 27 October 2009, and the product shipped from the US to the Netherlands on 30 October. It then took until early December for me to receive the package, by which time I'd begun to think it would never turn up.

Now, I'm not blaming Greatcitees for this, as their website does specify that "estimated delivery time by USPS First Class International is 2-4 weeks", and this only took a week longer than that, but it does seem like a ridiculous amount of time to wait:

Distance from Cambridge, Massachusetts to Amsterdam, Netherlands: 3453.11 miles.
Delivery time for this order: 5 weeks = 35 days = 840 hours
Average speed = 4.11 miles an hour.
I COULD HAVE WALKED IT FASTER (plus a bit of swimming...)

What unsettled me further still was Greatcitees.com itself. In a way I think my doubts were a backhanded compliment to the sheer efficiency of the site, which offers a multitude of different options for each shirt. For the Napoleon, Ohio t-shirts I ordered, there were a choice of five different colours, 11 different sizes, and a total of 15 fonts. Trouble was that once I'd paid up, and started waiting, the site started to look very impersonal to me. Hundreds of different cities available in every combination you can think of... Too good to be true? I'll admit that for a few days, I began to wonder if it was a scam. Would I ever get the shirts? I was about to call the number listed on the site when a Google search revealed an @GreatCitees Twitter feed. Though locked, its very existence finally gave the site the human face it had been lacking, and I relaxed. Sure enough, the shirts arrived two days later.

All told, I'm pleased with these t-shirts, and content in the knowledge that any time I need one, there are 825 different combinations of Napoleon t-shirts waiting for me at Greatcitees.com.

Total cost: $13.00 x 2 + $12.00 for international posting = $38.00

Delivery time: 5 weeks from USA to Europe.

Verdict: Good choices from a vast selection of custom t-shirts.

Purchase Power: Blue Napoleon T-Shirt from Found Item Clothing

I've spent most of my time on this blog looking for new Napoleon designs, but recently the time came for me to return to an old favourite. This t-shirt was the first Napoleon shirt I ever bought, and was the inspiration for this site. It's made by founditemclothing.com, which operates out of Portland, Oregon, and mainly sells replicas of t-shirts that have been featured in either TV shows, movies or music videos. The company came into existence when its founder couldn't find an "I Love Toxic Waste" t-shirt, as seen in the movie Real Genius, and promptly had one designed specially for him.

So after ordering several new Napoleon t-shirts, I decided the time had come to replace my original t-shirt (or at least buy an identical shirt to hang alongside it in my wardrobe), and back in November, I placed my order (same system, sames price: $21.95, though the international shipping cost had risen from $3.95 in 2006 to $10.95 in 2009). Sure enough, after less than two weeks, the new shirt arrived, and was everything I had hoped it'd be - the same as the last one! No changes, just a much newer, richer blue American Apparel t-shirt, with a pristine white "Napoleon" emblazoned on the front.

Now the only question that remains is whether or not to expand my search to include t-shirts about other great historical figures, starting with this Found Item beauty:

This one's also based on a shirt worn by Murdock from The A-Team, and it looks pretty good, though it's currently out of stock. Handily, Found Item provide a link to their Spreadshirt Shop, where you can create your own Alexander shirt using their design, though if I'm going to do that I might just tailor myself a new scorching red Napoleon shirt instead...


Total cost: $21.95 + $10.95 for international posting = $31.95

Delivery time: Less than 14 days, from USA to Europe.

Verdict: Just as perfect as it was in 2006.

Purchase Power: "Napoleon Cookie Shirt" from Topatoco

Next to make it over the Atlantic was this little beauty, which is fast becoming one of my favourite t-shirts.

This one took slightly longer than the Emperial Living delivery, arriving fourteen days after I'd placed the order, but this was more than made up for by the fact that Topatoco sent it using the regular mail, so I didn't have to wait about for a FedEx delivery all day, and found the package as a pleasant surprise when I checked the postbox.

The product itself is great. The blue American Apparel shirt is vibrant and easy to wash, and the design itself asks more questions than it answers.

Total cost: $19.50 + $12.52 for international posting = $32.02

Delivery time: 14 days, from USA to Europe.

Verdict: A thing of beauty. Good t-shirt, great design.