15. "Grass Green Defeated Napoleon T-Shirt" from Franchies Shirt Shop

Yet another shirt painting the Emperor in a rather sad light, this time from German site Franchies Shirt Shop. At the bottom left corner of this short-sleeved t-shirt, a crestfallen Napoleon is depicted, arms folded, slumped on his equally fed-up white horse. Above the image is printed the phrase "Ihm felte etwas brot", which Google Translate tells me is German for "He lacked some bread".

Not the catchiest Bonaparte slogan I've seen this year, but actually one of the most interesting. According to the designer, it's a reference to Napoleon's calamitous invasion of Russia in 1812. Overstretched, and frozen (newspaper cartoons of the time showed "General Frost" as Napoleon's greatest enemy), the French army was forced out of Russia in less than six months, with Napoleon's tendency to live off the land instead of relying on highly-structured supply lines cited as a key reason. In the bitter wastelands they passed through on this campaign, food rations were scarce, and Napoleon's men went hungry.

According to "Six Thousand Years of Bread: Its Holy and Unholy History" (H. E. Jacob, first published in 1944), Napoleon had spoken five years earlier of the importance of bread in his planned conquest of this vast land, saying "If I have bread, it will be child's play to defeat Russia." Unfortunately, by the end of 1812, he didn't and it wasn't.

This shirt is available in a man's size in "grass green" for €29.95. There are also several other colours and styles of shirt, ranging ijn price from about €25-€35. All shirts are 100% cotton, and - for a change - made by American Apparel. Most of the designs are based around the bread theme, but one or two feature a simple image of Napoleon standing with his arm inside his coat (perhaps hiding his sandwiches before the other guys see them).

14. "Napoleon" from Vicious History

If history is written by the victors, then - unfortunately for The Emperor - it seems that the t-shirts are designed by them too. This design by Keaton Henson for Vicious History sees Napoleon as an addled old tramp, with sad eyes and a damaged face, though still resplendent in his trademark uniform and bicorne. It's a surprisingly powerful image, and comes from a collection of similar t-shirts curated by Chaz Matses in Massachusetts. According to the Vicious History website, "We specialize in contemporary apparel which incorporates a vast range of historical influences into its designs. Our company’s purpose is to create inventive and unique apparel that allows us to share our artistic vision with our customers." Well, in that case: Mission Accomplished.

The "Napoleon" design uses white American Apparel t-shirts (does literally everyone use American Apparel?), and in a nicely consistent anti-Napoleon touch, is available in either large or extra large, ensuring that anyone with Bonaparte's 5'7" build will have to wear one hanging round their knees.

Actually, that's not entirely fair. The description of the shirt is remarkably pro-Boney: "Take on the world just like Napoleon Bonaparte in this new shirt!"

Or as a grateful army once cried: "Vive l'Empereur!"

The shirt costs $20, and is shipped worldwide.

Hat-tip: Buy-Tees.net

13. "Waterloo T-Shirt" from Dicteetors/HalfEmptyClothing/Zazzle

Want a t-shirt to do with Napoleon Bonaparte? Easy. No problem - the web's full of them. Want a t-shirt specifically based around a bad pun on the name of an infamous, often murderous dictator? Er...

Well actually, maybe it's as niche as it sounds. Dicteetors is a small, one-page website, featuring six designs about totalitarian menaces, happily incorporated into humourous t-shirts inspired by dodgy wordplay. So we are presented with "Chairman's Choice Mao-nnaise", "Kim Jong Illinois (Not just a place but a state of mind)" and a "Castrobot". Napoleon's probably got the best design of the lot, principally because it's based not on his name, but on Waterloo, the site of his biggest defeat: "Napoleon's Water Loo, San Dimas, California".

The fact that Napoleon's shirt has nothing to do with his name gives us a clue to the source of its inspiration, and fans of "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" will doubtless recognise the name San Dimas. In the movie, Bill & Ted take Napoleon Bonaparte - struggling to fit into his new 20th Century, Californian surroundings - to Waterlube, a waterpark set in San Dimas (those of you eager to recreate this scene will have to travel slightly further afield though, as the waterpark used was in the movie was actually Golfland/Sunsplash waterpark in Mesa, Arizona.)

The design itself is (like most other Napoleon t-shirts) taken from Napoleon Crossing The Alps by Jacques-Louis David, and says "Water Loo" rather than "Waterlube", which makes sense as all but the most die-hard Bill & Ted fans wouldn't get the Waterlube reference.


Either way, it's a nice idea for a shirt. According to the description on the site "Dicteetors.com is not intended to make any political statement. These designs are intended only to be funny."

The Waterloo shirt is available for $21.95, and comes in all sizes and 11 colours, though a premium of $2.85 is charged for every colour apart from white. The t-shirt itself is described as "Comfortable, casual and loose fitting, our heavyweight t-shirt will quickly become one of your favorites. Made from 6.1 oz, pre-shrunk 100% cotton, it wears well on anyone. We’ve double-needle stitched the bottom and sleeve hems for extra durability. Imported." Dicteetors makes use of a Zazzle store to sell the shirts. Click on whichever design you're interested in, and you get taken to the Dicteetors/HalfEmptyClothing shopfront ready to place your order.

Delivery is free to addresses in the US, but because of Zazzle's network of local websites, its policy on international distribution is quite vague. There are lots of disclaimers to do with import taxes, and delivery tracking, and in order to find out the price, you are encouraged to complete a "mock purchase" first.

This is a fantastic t-shirt, and the guys at Dicteetors/HalfEmptyClothing win my full endorsement when they ask "If you were one of Europe's greatest leaders, and you were stranded in San Dimas for one day, where would you go? Waterloo!" Yes, "one of Europe's greatest leaders". In fact he WAS Europe's greatest leader, but this is close enough. Vive L'Empereur!

12. "Napoleon Tee T-Shirt Print" from ediot

"Napoleon Tee T-Shirt Print" is a three-colour (tricolour?) design that builds on the univerally recognisable nature of Napoleon Bonaparte, and represents him as a mere silhouette carrying the French flag (Tricolour). Printed on a short-sleeved white t-shirt, its uncluttered layout, combined with the restrained use of powerful colours, makes it pretty striking.

Designed by ediot, it's the first Napoleon-inspired shirt I've seen that comes from Sweden. If you want to know more about ediot, I can't put it more succinctly than she does on her website: "im 26. live in sweden- originally from norway. love clothes. love making prints. love music. I have an webshop at www.ediot.etsy.com". Job done.

The shirt costs $21 from ediot's etsy store, plus $7 dollars p&p plus $5 per subsequent item ordered. An ediot logo on the shirt is optional.

11. "Napoleon Bonaparte T-Shirt" from Johnny Cotton

A very simple t-shirt here from British website johnnycotton.co.uk, which depicts Napoleon above the word "Leader". Whatever you make of the guy, he was undeniably a leader, and as a slightly lame bonus, casual observers of the shirt may assume that the wearer is also a leader. Double win. The picture used on the shirt is from a favourite of mine, "The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries" painted by Jacques-Louis David in 1812.


Johnny Cotton print shirts in several categories, from dogs and movies, to music and cars. This particular design is from the "Famous People" section of the catalogue, in which Napoleon finds himself in the company of such greats as Salvador Dali, Einstein and Mozart, and is described as being "widely regarded as one of history's greatest commanders". Finally: some respect for the little fella.

The shirt costs £9.99 and is available in ten different colours, with six colours to choose from for the print itself (though the site urges you to choose a print colour that is darker than the shirt colour). Shipping options vary from country to country, and are calculated just prior to payment, so it's not clear how much delivery might cost. The product itself is very reasonably priced though, so unless the shipping is insanely expensive, it looks like being a good deal.

Shirt description: "Heavy weight T-Shirt, 180 gsm (Ladies 150gsm with shaped side seams), Tubular Construction, Twin needle and Cover Stitch fabric with Taped Back Neck, Collar wih Elasthane, Superior quality print that will not fade, crack or peel, Fully machine washable".

10. "Napoleon, 5 Feet of EuroTrash" from Irish Laundry

So far this site has only featured t-shirts which were either pro-Napoleon, or at worst neutral towards the great man, and there was an unspoken assumption that this would always be the case. Could anyone seriously contemplate designing or making an anti-Napoleon t-shirt? Well, yes. Over at Irishlaundry.com, they've done just that. (Thanks to Travis at Founditem for the tip-off).

Irish Laundry specialises in classic t-shirts aimed squarely at non-metrosexuals ("An Irish Laundry man drinks beer and whiskey instead of cosmos and wine coolers"), and resolutely not at "pretty boys walking around in their lame $80 t-shirts with foil prints, popped collars, and hair with frosted tips." Well said.

The site currently offers around 20 different designs on a variety of themes. You can see the full range here, but my main interest lies in the anti-Napoleonic offering, in which our man is described as "Five feet of Eurotrash" [Note: Readers unfamiliar with the term "Eurotrash" can find several apposite definitons at the Urban Dictionary.

Back to the t-shirt, and there are two important points to be made:

1) Boney was a bit Eurotrash, but he wasn't actually that small. According to Wikipedia: "During the Napoleonic Wars he was taken seriously by some in the British press as a dangerous tyrant, poised to invade. A nursery rhyme warned children that Bonaparte ravenously ate naughty people; the 'bogeyman'. The British Tory press sometimes depicted Napoleon as much smaller than average height and this image persists. Confusion about his height also results from the difference between the French pouce and British inch—2.71 and 2.54 cm respectively; he was 1.7 metres (5 ft 7 in) tall, average height for the period, sometimes quoted as 1.68 metres (5 ft 6 in)."

2) Hostility to the Emperor never normally makes any sense, but in the case of Irish Laundry it's entirely consistent with their well-documented anti-French policy. The site makes no apology for its hardline stance regarding the French, and doesn't even ship to the country. On the FAQs page, the company's shipping policy is not ambiguous: "FRANCE - If you are thinking about placing an order to be shipped to France, please don't bother. Irish Laundry has a strict policy against shipping to Frenchys. No, we're not joking. It's not that we can't ship to France. It's just that we don't want guys named Pierre wearing our shirts."

So as long as you're not French, this actually seems like an interesting t-shirt. Selling for $18, this tee is available only in white, and features a very recognisable silhouette of Napoleon against a zig-zag Tricolor background, with the Eurotrash legend beneath it. In terms of the shirt itself, the site says all designs use "super soft premium tees that typically have a slightly slimmer fit than a traditional Hanes type of t-shirt. Nearly all of our shirts are printed on American Apparel or similar fitting brands." Shipping is a flat $4 for all shirts within the US, $10 to Canada, and $15 to the rest of the world (except France).

Purchase Power: Grey Napoleon T-Shirt Present

And so for the most recent of my new Napoleon t-shirts, and my favourite Christmas present of 2009. Designed and given to me by my girlfriend, it's a simple t-shirt bearing a close-up of Napoleon's head, and I'm proud to say it's without a doubt the best I've seen.

Grey cotton/viscose t-shirt in MEDIUM (she knows how to impress me), it features an enlarged monochrome cut-out of the The Emperor's head and hat, taken from our old friend Napoleon Crossing The Alps by Jacques-Louis David.

Total cost: To me? Nothing!
Delivery time: Instant gratification.
Verdict: Simple, comfortable, unique. Best of the bunch.